Posted by: zpetals on: January 11, 2009
In order to truly get your financial life to heal, so to speak, you should take some time to reflect on how you got to the place you are now, financially. Meaning: you’ve got to try to understand where you are coming from in order to get to where you want to be. If your goal is to curb your spending habit, it pays (literally) to take a look at why you spend: is your spending based on a need to supply your kids with the newest toy because you grew up with hand-me-downs? Is your spending based on a need to keep up with the proverbial Joneses, because that’s how you watched your parents spend?
I grew up in a family where money wasn’t discussed unless it was to point out that we couldn’t afford something. A common refrain in our house was a joyous sort of song, on payday, which said, “We’re rich!” A few days later, after bills were paid, there was an intonation of a funeral dirge, “We’re poor!” I grew up confused about money. I grew up confused about what it could do for me. Was it there to spend or to hold onto? Is it there to make you nervous or to make you feel safe and taken care of?
Contrary to what my Numbers page currently says, I’m naturally a saver. A hoarder, if you will. I remember going to the bank often as a child to deposit money into my savings account (our allowance was sporadic at best. This was commonly birthday money sent by an aunt or distant relative.) I also remember saving every penny I made at my first job during the summer after my high school graduation; when I was getting ready to go to college that fall, I was expected to pay for everything to outfit my dorm room. I was reluctant to spend my money, and on one particular shopping trip (for new clothes), my mother saw this, and said cheerfully, “Money’s there to be spent!”
As I stated above, our parents never really discussed financial things with us. I was never taught how to balance a checkbook, and it seemed to me that money slipped through their hands pretty quickly. As a result of not really learning financial skills, I had a lot of work to do after college. I had some credit card debt, and a student loan, but I also got a job that allowed me to research money matters—-I worked at a bookstore and could ‘check out’ books for free, as long as I didn’t break the spine. I read up on financial matters and began to make things work for me.
Then, we moved to a city for graduate school, racked up some more student loans, and, later, CarpenterBoy started his own company. We bought our place, and had a baby. We’re in a situation currently that bothers my saver/hoarder personality—-we have too much debt and not enough savings, and, like most people, we watched our long-term savings decrease by over $13,000 last year.
But we’re getting there, by taking certain steps to shore up savings and by setting certain goals to pay off debt. I’m able to look at things that my parents did as I was growing up (and that they’re doing now) and am able to do things differently than they did. For example, Bean always goes with us to our financial advisor appointments. I want him to see us talking about money, and I want him to learn about saving for a rainy day, and saving for college, and saving for retirement, and I want him to know how debt works and the joys of compound interest. He’s already got a piggy bank (and a 529), so he’s already on his sound financial path.
So are we. Sometimes, in the midst of this recession, it’s difficult to keep in mind all of the good financial decisions that we’ve made, and sometimes, in the midst of a marriage, it’s difficult to be with someone who grew up with his own set of money issues, but we’re making things work right now, and for the future.
Our financial pasts cannot be changed but we can use what we learned about our past to our benefit. To change our current behavior, if we need to. In order to make a real, lasting change, and not just dream about changing, we have to know where we’ve come from. Reflecting on your own personal financial past is a good way to start.
January 11, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Aaah. I’m down in savings too over these past six months, but it’s only money!